1.Honesty

誠(chéng)實(shí)

A man went to an insurance office to have his life insured. The manager of the office asked him how old his parents were when they died.

“Mother had a bad heart and died at the age of thirty. Father died of tuberculosis when he was thirty-five.”

“I am very sorry,”said the manager,“we cannot insure your life as your parents were not healthy.”

As the man was leaving the office, depressed, he met a clerk, who had overheard the conversation.

“You must not be so frank and tell the truth,”said the clerk,“no office will insure you if you speak like that. Use your imagination a little.”

The man went to another office and was shown into the manager's room.

“Well, young man, how old were your parents when they died?”

“Mother was ninety-three, and she died from a fall off her bicycle. Father was ninety-eight and he died while he was playing football.”

2. An American on a British Train

一個(gè)美國(guó)人乘英國(guó)火車

A young American entered a railway compartment on a British train, to discover that all seats were occupied, Including one on which was seated a small dog. To its owner, a middle-aged lady wearing a large hat, he said politely,“Excuse me, ma'am, but may I sit down?”

She said nothing, but merely sniffed and turned over the pages of her newspaper.

Again he said,“Excuse me, ma'am, but may I have this seat, please? And again she ignored him.

For a third time the young American said,“Ma'am, would you please remove your dog so that I may sit down?”

And for the third time the snooty matron totally ignored him, so he opened a window, picked up the dog, threw it out, and then sat on the empty seat.

There was a stunned silence, and then an Englishman sitting opposite said,“You know, you Yanks are the strangest people. You drive on the wrong side of the road. You eat with the fork in the wrong hand, you name the floors in the wrong numbers, and now you've just thrown the wrong ***** out of the window!”

3．A Bad Foot

受傷的腳

There was a bookseller who did not like to pay for anything. One day a big box of books fell on his foot.

“Go to the doctor,”said his wife，“show that foot to him.”

“No,”he said,“I'll wait until the doctor comes to our shop next time. Then I'll ask him about my foot. If I go to see him, I shall have to pay.”

The next day the doctor came to the shop to buy some books. The bookseller told the doctor about his bad foot. The doctor looked at it and promised to help.

He took out a piece of paper and wrote something on it.“Buy this and put it on the foot before you go to bed every night.”he said.

“Thank you.”said the bookseller.“And now, sir, here are your books.”

“How much?”asked the doctor.

“Two pounds.”

“Good,”said the doctor.“I shall not have to pay you anything today.”

“Why?”asked the bookseller.

“I have examined your foot. I want two pounds for that. If people come to my house, I ask them to pay one pound for a small thing like that. But when I go to their houses, I usually charge two pounds. And I came here today, didn't I? Bye-bye!”

4.The Gold and the Fur Coat

金子與皮大衣

A young man and an old man were waiting for a bus at a station. They sat next to each other.

“What's that in your bag?”asked the young man, pointing to a big bag beside the old man.

“Gold, nothing but gold,”answered the old man.

The young man could hardly believe his own ears,“What?”he said to himself in surprise.“So much gold? My God! How I wish to be able to get so much gold!”Then he began to think about how to get the gold.

The old man looked tired and sleepy and it seemed that he could hardly keep his eyes open.“Are you sleepy, sir?”asked the young man.“Then you'd better lie down on the chair and have a good rest. Don't worry about the bus. I'll wake you up in time.”

“All right. It's very kind of you, young man.”The old man lay down and before long he fell asleep.

The young man took the big bag gently. But when he was about to run away, he found a corner of his fur coat was under the old man's body. Several times he tried to pull it out, but he couldn't. At last he took off his coat and went away with the bag.

The young man ran out of the station as quickly as his legs could carry him. When he reached a place where he thought the old man couldn't find him, he stopped and quickly opened the bag.

To his surprise, there was nothing but a lot of small stones in it. He hurried to the station at once. But when he got there, he found the old man was gone.

5． Shave Me First

先給我刮臉

A barber was in his shop, busily cutting a man's hair, when a handsome young stranger came in. He had a small boy with him. They sat down together and waited until the barber had finished. Then the young man told the barber to shave him and to cut the small boy's hair.

The barber said,“Do you want me to cut the boy's hair first, or to shave you?”

“Oh, shave me.”said the young man.“Then I'll go down the road and have a glass of wine while you're cutting the boy's hair.”

The young man sat down in the barber's chair, and the barber began to shave him.

When he had finished, the young man got up and said,“I'll go down the road now and have my wine while you're cutting the boy's hair.”

“All right, but I won't take long.”the barber warned him. The young man went out, the small boy obediently sat down in the barber's chair，and the barber began to cut his hair.

As he had said, he soon finished, and then the boy sat down and waited. At the end of half an hour, when the young man had still not come back, the barber said to the boy,“It is a pity that your daddy's taking such a long time. Where is he likely to be now?”

“I can't guess,”answered the small boy.“And that man wasn't my daddy. I've never seen him before in my life. I was playing in the street this morning, and he came up to me and asked me whether I'd like to have my hair cut without having to pay anything. I said I would, because my hair was rather long, so he brought me here.”